ParentLock All about Hamish
by katierocks252
Summary: Sherlock finds out Hamish has been admitted to hospital and goes to see him, but it's been 3 years and John is furious and lays all the blame for how Hamish is on Sherlock. Hamish hasn't been eating properly since his dad left, he just wanted to be with him again. Sherlock thinks it will be just like the old days back at 221B but it's not and he can't understand why.
1. Chapter 1

What's wrong? Why is Hamish in the hospital? SH  
Who is this? JW  
John, it's me. It's Sherlock. SH  
No I watched him fall to his death. So who the hell is this? Because it's a bit bloody twisted and messed up! JW  
John it really is me, I swear! Please, what's wrong with our son? Please tell me I need to know! SH  
He collapsed the other day, where the hell are you? How did you know he was here? JW  
I'm at Mycrofts he told me, how do you think i knew? SH  
How could you do something like this to us Sherlock? If this really is you anyway JW  
It's me , I swear! The first time we met I asked you Afghanistan or Iraq based off your tan line, cell phone and the way you were standing. You still keep the cane you used in the hall close, because you fear you'll need it again. You know that I when at home i have a nickname for Hamish which is Mish. SH  
3 years Sherlock! 3 years! You left us believing you were dead for 3 years! JW  
I'm sorry, but I had to prtoect you and Hamish it was the only way! I was going after Moriartys men, he had people that were going to kill you all if i didn't jump, I couldnt let you think I was alive. SH  
Get the hell here now! JW  
What room? I'm already at Barts. SH  
231 JW  
Sherlock quickly made his way upstairs in the building. The tears that had pooled in his yes, not yet falling as he lightly knock on the door to the John and Hamish were quietly and slowly pushed the door open in fear that Hamish was sleeping and not wanting to wake him. He loked thinner and more pale since the last time they saw him 'alive' he thought as he stepped into the room. John looked to the door seeing Sherlocked but he didn't speak a word to him, he just looked bak at Hamish who was sleeping. " Uhm..." Sherlock said as he closed the door and looked at Hamis for a moment before returning his gaze to John sitting next to the bed. John didn't speak, words couldn't describe how annoyed he was at Sherlock. He moved his jaw from side to side just looking still at his son. Sherlck moved and and sat down in the chair next tot John, though he didn't know what to say or do. " I need to talk to you outside " John fianlly spoke as he got up from his chair leaving the room. Sherlock looked to Hamish once more before he followed Sherlock outside, closing the door behind them. " What the hell Sherlock?" Were Johns first words.  
" I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to have to do any of this, but I needed the both of you safe John! I coudln't of lived with myself if you weren't. He was going to kill you both!" Sherlock began trying to defend him self.  
" No Sherlock 3 years! 3 whole years! Don't you understand how hard it has been for us? For Hamish?" John retorted.  
" I know how it was to be awa yfrom the both of you, it was like having my heart ripped out and torn apart! It hurt me too you know! I had to make you believe I was dead! If you didn't and they knew I was alive they owuld of killed you on the spot! Please John you must undestand! "  
" Oh I do Sherlock, you abandoned us you know Hamish couldn't deal with it, with your death that is. He got depressed, he would just sit in his room all day just staring at the wall mostly. I told you that he collapsed Sherlock I never told you why."  
" Why did he? " Sherlock asked, dreading what the answer would be.  
" He didn't eat. He didn't eat because he wanted to die Sherlock! He said he wanted to see his dad again. Don't you get it Sherlock? You pulling such a stupid stunt like that has made our own son want to kill himself! Just so that he could be with his dad again." Sherlock put a hand over his mouth and leaned against the wall as he tried hard to take in what John had just him, it really was all his fault. He felt tears that threatened to fall. John didn't care what Sherlock was feeling, he was too angry and annoyed at him for he had done to him and their son. " I hated you for it and I still do."  
Sherlock lowered his hand from his mouth, tears began to stream down his face " I never wanted this to happen. Not this, not ever. I-I understand you hating me John, I do."  
" Oh what did you want to happen? For us just to be perfectly fine without you for 3 years, believing you had killed yourself. Welcoming you back with open arms? This is real Sherlock. You did this! I understand you needing to protect the both of us, ut you could of found a way to tell you were alive! That's he needed, we couldof accepted kowing you were going to be a way for a while, but knowing you were dead? Killed yourself? Just no Sherlock." He said and walked off back into Hamishs room leaving Sherlock outside.


	2. Chapter 2

Sherlock stayed standing outside for another 10 minutes as tears continued to stream down his face after hearing what John had told him. He wiped his eyes and pulled himself together. He went to enter the room opening the door slowly, knowing it was quite likely he wasn't going to be welcome back in there. John saw Sherlock coming back into the room " I don't know how you can still show your face " he said not turning to look at him. Sherlock knew he wasn't welcome

" I suppose it's best if I just leave " He mumbled out in a low voice as he turned around going to leave, opening the door.

"Dad?" Hamish said as he sat up in his bed rubbing his eyes, as hearing the voices around him had woken him up. Sherlock stopped, his hand gripped the door handle as he tried to keep more tears from streaming down his face, he took a deep breath and turned around

" Hello son " Sherlock replied.

" No, you're dead! This isn't fair!" He shouted seeing his dad stood at the door. He broke down into tears, annoyed that his mind was continuing to play tricks on him. Still seeing his dad when he wasn't really there. Sherlock's heart broke even more hearing his son say that. Though he didn't think it was possible. He walked over to Hamish and sat down on the bed, putting a hand to Hamish's face

" No, no I'm not dead. I'm here, it's me. I'm so sorry Mish. I really am."

Hamish sniffled as he looked up seeing his dads face, he looked to his father " Is he really here?" He asked John. He didn't trust his own mind anymore, he was always seeing his dad around when he wasn't there. John nodded

" Yeah it's him " he confirmed. Hamish looked back to Sherlock and grasped onto him for dear life, for once he was real. Sherlock's arms wrapped tightly around his son

" I'm so sorry Mish, I am." Sherlock repeated as he buried his face into Hamish's hair and held onto him tightly too. Hamish continued to cry in his dads arms as he grasped onto Sherlock's coat. He could barely believe he was actually there, he just assumed it was another dream. It was too good to be true he thought and he would wake up any second now. " I'm here. I'm not leaving you again Hamish. I'm not I swear it." Sherlock promised his son as he gathered in his crying a bit, trying to soothe Hamish's.

He pulled away from his dad sniffling as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve. " Why would you do that? I thought you loved us? You just left. No explanation. Nothing. Father just came home that day and said you killed yourself, I told him it wasn't true that you couldn't of, but he saw you do it." John looked down at his hands as he fiddled with them hearing Hamish saying that, even though Sherlock was alive, it still haunted him. Sherlock took hold of Hamish's hand and lowered it. He began to wipe at Hamish's tears.

" If I hadn't then some very bad people were going to kill you and your Father. I had to protect the both of you Mish. I did it to save you." Hamish sniffled again touching the hand that Sherlock had wiped his tears with still finding it hard to believe he was actually there.

" I want to go home " He said to his dad.

" You can't go home home until they discharge you " Sherlock told him softly gently stroking Hamish's hand.

" I want to go home!" He said louder this time.  
Sherlock looked to John and then back to Hamish. " Quiet down Hamish, let me go talk to the nurses, see what they say okay?" He nodded as he sniffled wiping his nose with his sleeve again as Sherlock got up to go speak to the nurses.

Sherlock came back awhile later looking a bit frazzled but putting his phone back into his pocket as well when he stepped into the room. He looked at John and then sent a small smile to Hamish, "you may go home, Mish. It's been taken care of." Hamish beamed upon hearing that, ripping out the IV that had been fixed into his arm. " Ha-" John began to tell Hamish. But walked off to talk to Sherlock whilst Hamish hurried getting ready " what did they say?" John asked " they said he wasn't to be released for a while "

"There's a more than capable doctor in his household. He was released to your care, John." Was all Sherlock told him. It had taken some work to get Hamish released but he got it done, just as his son asked him to.

John took a deep breath " fine alright then, I suppose that's alright " he said looking to Hamish " He's In a bad way Sherlock."

"I know, John." Sherlock said softly to the man. He could deduce what was wrong and he just hoped it would get better now that he had returned. "You're a doctor, you know what needs to be done..."

" It can't just be fixed over night Sherlock! This is months of damage years in fact! He needs to eat" John told him, his tone slightly raised

" Dad?" Hamish said.

"Yeah, Mish?" Sherlock answered him and didn't answer John.  
" Can we go go now ? " he asked. He had heard what the both of of them were saying, talking about him like he wasn't there. But he didn't really care now, he was quite used to whole thing about people talking behind his back he just wanted to go home.

"Yes, you and your father can go home now, Mish." Sherlock told him nodding a bit. He figured he wasn't welcomed back to Baker Street at the moment, but Hamish could go home with John.

" Come on Hamish " John smiled Hamish looked quite confused as he looked to John then to Sherlock.

" No I want you to come with me! You said you wouldn't leave me again! You promised!" Hamish said as he started to well up. Backing up against the wall sliding down his head in his hands " You promised! " he shouted as began to cry again.

Sherlock rushed to him. He looked up at John a moment as he kneeled down beside his son. "I will. I'll come with you. I know I promised Mish. I know I did." Sherlock said softly trying to calm him down a bit.

Hamish sniffled and slowly looked up at his dad " I can't loose you again " he said clinging onto to him " Don't ever leave again dad " he said wiping his eyes.

" Lets go home " he sniffled as he got up and grabbed his bag. John smiled faintly helping Sherlock to his feet " yeah lets " John also said. Sherlock nodded and let his hand linger a moment on John's shoulder before following both of them out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

They arrived back at Baker Street 20 minutes later " I think you better go say hello to a certain someone before you frighten her and give her a heart attack" John said nodding to Mrs Hudsons flat. "Come on Hamish " he said leading his son up the stairs leaving Sherlock downstairs. Sherlock sighed after he watched John and Hamish walk into their flat and walked over to Mrs Hudson's door and knocked on it waiting for her to answer. A minute or so later she opened her door seeing the tall slender figure stood in front of her " Sherlock?" She said in disbelief " No Surely I must be seeing things!"

Sherlock smiled slightly " No Mrs Hudson it really is me, I know you thought I was dead" He began.

She took a back as she looked at him, almost making sure it was him " Sherlock! " she shouted slapping his arm " Don't do that! We've been out of our minds and John and Hamish! Didn't you ever think about them!" She started to say loudly " you've pulled some stunts in your time but never this!" She sighed as she walked back into her flat clearly not amused by Sherlock so called stunt.

"No! Mrs. Hudson, you don't understand. I was protecting them! I had to, otherwise they would've been killed. I couldn't risk it!" Sherlock calls after her as she's walking away from him.

" Oh I'm sure! Leaving poor John and Hamish like that! Some sort of father you are!" She said back to him

Sherlock stills and has to hold back even more tears. "I know. I'm a horrible husband and an even worse father. I know, you don't have to t-tell me."

" Go on be off with you, it's them you need to make it up to. Three years of it. " She said shooing him away.

Sherlock wiped at his face and nodded before making his way upstairs back to their flat.

The door had been left open and Hamish saw his dad walking up the stairs and smiled, he still barely believed this was actually happening that his dad was back. When he arrived at the doorway Hamish grasped onto him " Tea Sherlock?" John asked.

"Tea would be lovely." Sherlock said as he moved towards the sofa with Hamish and sat down. Sherlock looked around. Nothing had changed...except a few added items here and there.

Hamish sat down at his dads side as he leaned onto his chest holding his torso, now he had gotten him back he never wanted to let him go. John arrived back with the cups of tea 5 minutes later handing him a cup as he sat down next to Sherlock with his own cup.

"Thank you." Sherlock told John as he accepted the cup of tea. One arm around Hamish and one holding his tea, he continued looking around the flat.

" Nothing has changed " John said as he saw Sherlock's eyes scanning the flat " we kept it just as it was , Hamish insisted " He said

"It was perfect just like it was it reminded me of you" Hamish smiled looking up at dad/

Sherlock nodded with a small smile. There was a question at the tip of his tongue, but he held back from asking it right now. Things were perfect just as they were. Hamish nuzzled his dads chest feeling content that he was back, honestly it was the happiest John had seen Hamish in a very long he hasn't been the same since Sherlock 'died' John thought to himself.

Sherlock smiled and kissed the top on Hamish's head lovingly. "Hey, Mish? Would you do something for me?"

He looked up at his dad again " yeah sure" he smiled.

"Eat something." Sherlock said looking down at his son with a serious expression.

The happy smile soon faded from his face as he let go of his dad " I don't want to " he said as he looked away from his dad and down at the floor.

"You need to, Mish. Please?" Sherlock softly begged him.

" No! " he said slightly loudly shifting away from his dad so he was no longer hugging him close. He pulled his knees up close to his chest as he held himself in a bundle.

Sherlock sighed a bit at his sons refusal. "Why don't you want to eat?"

" Because I don't want to! " he now shouted getting up from the sofa he was sat on with his dad. He ran off to his room slamming his door as he fell onto his bed. John looked to Sherlock " This is exactly what I've had to put up with the whole time you've been gone."

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Sherlock told him looking at him. "Why won't he eat? I'm home, I'm not leaving him again. Why wont he eat?" Sherlock asked unable to understand.

" Did you just expect him to be to be all fine and back to normal when you got home? It doesn't work like that Sherlock the damage has already been done. Yeah he started to be like when you were gone but it's just got worse it can't be fixed just with you coming back you know. There's no magical cure to this. "

"I know, John. I know. You don't have to yell it at me." Sherlock said to him, leaning back on the sofa and crossing his arms.

John sighed " Sorry, it's just been hard. You were gone and Hamish is like this, I had to stop working for a while and he stopped going to school. I had to make sure he was having at least one meal and taking his medication but even that has become a struggle. You know that was the 3rd time he's been to hospital for collapsing like that."

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I was just trying to protect you both. I've only made things worse here, though." Sherlock said quietly to keep his voice from cracking and his emotions showing. Words couldn't describe how guilty he felt.

" Yeah I know you were Sherlock, but real life went on, we couldn't cope without you. Hamish couldn't cope. He needs his medication, will you go give him it?" He asked getting up from the sofa as he went to the cupboard in the kitchen getting some tablets out and getting a glass of water.

"Yeah. Yeah I will." Sherlock said shrugging off his coat and taking the tablets and water from John before making his way up to Hamish's room.

" Good luck " John whispered after Sherlock had left as he returned to the table pulling out his laptop. Hamish was sat on his bed reading a book.

Sherlock knocked on the door lightly. "Mish? Can I come in?" He asked.

Hamish looked to door. He got up from his bed and opened the door then went and sat back on the bed and he continued to read not saying a word to his dad.

Sherlock entered his son's room and sat down at the foot of the bed. "What are you reading?" He questioned lightly.

He held the book up so Sherlock could see the title before returning it back down, still not talking to him.

"Please talk to me, son." Sherlock begged him.

" I know what you're going to do " Hamish said looking to Sherlock's hands.

"I know you do Mish." Sherlock sighed. "You deduce just like I do, you know that? I'm sorry I wasn't here for the past three years." Sherlock apologized once again to his son, setting the tablets and water down on his bedside table.

I'm not taking them " Hamish said before Sherlock attempted to give him them " Why do you keep saying that? Sorry doesn't make the last three years go away " Hamish said picking his book up again.

"Just a bit ago, you wouldn't let me out of your sights and now this. I'm not forcing you to do or take anything, but what happened between the door and the sofa that made your attitude change towards me so quickly?" Sherlock asked him.

" I remembered what it was like to not have you, you tried to make me eat, I don't want to! You're just like him."

Sherlock nodded. "You're right. I am, I care about you enough to not want to see you sick, or any worse than you are now, because you're not eating. I've been there. I know what it's like, and what you're going through."

" How could you possibly know what I'm going through! You don't know anything!" Hamish shouted at his dad. John heard the raised voices and he glanced in the direction of Hamish's room sighing.

"Because I had the same bloody eating problem until I married your Father." Sherlock told him raising his voice a bit as well.

"You did?" Hamish said quite surprised.

"Yeah, I did." Sherlock tells him. Happy that he wasn't yelling anymore.

"Then you'll understand why I don't want to eat, why can't people accept that!"

"Because they don't know what it's like to not be hungry the way they are when they eat." Sherlock tells him honestly.

" I'm sorry for shouting at you. " Hamish apologized as he huddled close to his dad thinking maybe there was someone that actually understood him.

"It's okay. I used to get that way with Uncle Mycroft. I'd scream and shout and sometimes hit. I just didn't want to eat."

Hamish smiled faintly " You two never got on " he commented.

John had walked to Hamish's room standing at the doorway decidng to see if everything was alright from the shouting he heard earlier. " Everything alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, everything's alright." Sherlock tells John before chuckling a bit, "no we never really did but I know now that he just wanted to help me get better." He said to Hamish.

John smiled as he left the pair of them " I know, but I just don't want to " Hamish told his dad.

"I know you don't, Mish." Sherlock told him. "I didn't really get better until I married your Father, like I said. I didn't have a need to get better before that because I didn't have anyone that I really cared enough about to get better for."

" So does that mean that I don't have to ?" He asked hopefully.

"That depends. Do you care about your Father and I enough to want to get better or not?" Sherlock asked him. " I know we both love you and would do anything for you."

" Of course I care about you both! You're my dads, I just don't want to eat, why does it make a difference? It doesn't mean I care about you both any less " He feeling a little lost and confused with himself.

"I know, Hamish." Sherlock pulled him closer to him, "we just want you healthy. We don't want to lose you."

He sighed as he was brought closer. " Why is everything so hard Dad?" He said as he lent against him.

Sherlock shrugged a bit. "Because life isn't easy...but in the end it's worth it."

" What's the end? " He questioned " When you're dead?" Hamish asked.

"No, the end is when you make the decision or allow yourself to get better." Sherlock told him softly before bending down to kiss the top of his head.

"Then why do you call it the end?" He asked.

"Because it's the end of the pain and suffering you've gone through by not eating."

" But I'm not " Hamish denied. " I'm okay now that you're back " He smiled faintly, looking up to Sherlock.

"It still is not healthy, love. Not at all." Sherlock told him. "I got to the point where I would eat, but I only ate every three days and only enough to keep my mind functioning and me standing upright."

" I don't care, I don't like it " he sighed. " I do that! But Father moans at me saying it's not enough eating every 5 days, he said I'm just like you."

Sherlock chuckled, " You are just like me. All I'm asking is that you gradually try and eat a eat a bit more. I won't force you, I just want you to try though. Can you do that for me? Please, Mish?"

He looked up at his dad and back at the floor as he thought about the question " okay then, but as long I don't have to take those either " he said looking at the tablets on the bedside table.

"Don't tell your Father but I'm sure I can figure something out, okay?" Sherlock said. "Can I ask why you don't like them though?"

" I don't want them. They're annoying. Father always said they were just vitamin tablets but I don't believe him " Hamish admitted.

Sherlock nodded. "Alright. Don't tell him and I'll make sure that you don't have to take them."

" Really? " He said quite surprised " Thanks " He smiled hugging his Dad.

"Of course, Mish." Sherlock hugged him back, just a bit tighter.


	4. Chapter 4

He got up and went to leave the room " Are you coming? " He asked with a smile.

"Yeah, I'm coming, Mish." Sherlock smiled back as he got up and followed him into the living room.

John looked seeing the two of them coming down " You alright Hamish?" John asked seeing him walk through " Yeah I'm good " He smiled sitting himself on the sofa. Sherlock smiled slightly at John before setting himself down on the sofa next to Hamish, once again wrapping his arm around him.

" Oh I have some things to show you! " Hamish said all of a sudden quickly getting up as he dashed back to his room

" Well? " John asked when Hamish had left the room.

Sherlock watched him go up the stairs before sighing and looking to John. "He promised me that he would start gradually trying to eat more, at least."

" Really?" John asked quite surprised " I suppose there's one thing saying it and then there's doing it, how did you get him to say that anyway?" He asked knowing how impossible he had found it.

"Told him the truth. That I've been through it too." Sherlock told John.

" Yeah I suppose you did in some sense. Did he take the pills ?" He asked.

Sherlock shook his head. "I'll get him there. It just needs time" he looked to John, "what are they for, really? John, I can tell they aren't vitamins and they don't look like anything Mycroft ever tried to put me on."

" Since he doesn't eat, he got given those from the hospital the 2nd time that he collapsed. They're to help with his weight, stop his muscles and bones decaying as quickly, as it's happening quite quickly. It's a whole mixture of stuff. He's been refusing to take them, that's a main factor as to why he collapsed just recently and as to why he was put on a drip since he wasn't taking them. I've tried everything we even have those shakes that are the equivalent to a meal, but he won't have anything."

Sherlock nodded his head and put his head back down, looking at the floor. "I'm so sorry."

" It doesn't matter you're here now, but you've got to get him eating again or taking the pills at least. It happened because of you, it's your turn to to try " John told him " Here it is!" Hamish said as he came bounding in the room with a sketchbook " This is what I wanted to show you " he said happily.

Sherlock nodded to John as he took the offered sketch book. He began to look through it "Oh, wow. Hamish, these are amazing. You've done all of these? When did you start doing this?" He asked.

" Just before you left. I was going to show you them that night, but well you never came home..." He said realizing as he looked to the floor.

"I'm sorry." Sherlock said wrapping an arm around Hamish as he continued to look at the sketches. "These are amazing, Mish."

" No! You can't see those ones! " he said glancing up at his Dad snatching the sketchbook back off his Dad.

"Alright." Sherlock sighed a bit confused as to why he couldn't see them.

He grasped the sketchbook close to his chest as he looked at the book " you just can't " he mumbled.

He sat down next to his dad putting his sketchbook next to him " I'm going to make us some lunch anyway " John said getting up ah he walked to the kitchen. " Hamish are you going to have anything?" John asked, Hamish looked up at his Dad as if not knowing what what to say.

"Just a bit of one of those shakes that Father was telling me about? Just a small bit?" He asked and suggested to looking down to Hamish.

" O-okay " he stuttered nodding slightly.

" Okay then " John smiled as he got to work on making the sandwiches and shake.

Sherlock gave Hamish a proud smile and pulled him to his side into a tight hug as he noticed a woman's jacket by the door. He smiled as he was brought into a hug " it's ready " John called to the pair of them as he set it on the table 10 minutes later.

"Come on, let's go eat a bit of something, okay?" Sherlock said to Hamish standing up and heading towards the kitchen, really wondering about the jacket he spotted.

Hamish slowly got up from the sofa reluctantly as he plodded to the kitchen " Alright Sherlock?" John asked noticing his attention was else where.

Sherlock took a seat at the table, shaking his head to clear his thoughts a bit. "Uhm...yeah...Yeah...I'm fine." He offered an unconvincing smile.

John furrowed his eyebrows " you don't sound do sure " He said sitting down.

"How's Mary?" Sherlock asked John and Hamish, suddenly. He did know about her, to say he didn't would be a lie. He just didn't expect to find her things in their flat.

" She's good " John answered as he began to eat his sandwich " what is it that she's left? " he asked knowing there must be something.

"Jacket." Sherlock says also taking a bit of his sandwich. It hurts him to know that John was with someone else while he was away, that he still is with someone else, but he also knows that John thought him dead for three years. He looks to Hamish, "How do you like Mary, Hamish?" He pushes the shake a bit closer to him, not in a forceful way but just as an idea for him.

" She's nice " he said simply looking at the shake as he decided whether or not to attempt it as his Dad pushed it closer.

" oh she must of left it last time she was here, she was in quite a rush " John said.

"Just a bit of it." Sherlock tried to reason with him, reading Hamish's face. Before nodding at their words about Mary and putting his head down a bit to focus on his food and shift his eyes to watch Hamish.

He reached out slowly to hold the shake bringing it slightly closer to him looking to his Dad once as he stared at the drink in front of him. Sherlock glances at him before taking a couple more bites of his food. He doesn't know what to say right now really, especially not after talking about Mary and her...leaving in a rush the other day as John said.

" You know she was only here to help me with things Sherlock, she stayed over a lot that's some of her stuff has been left around " John said to him noticing his reaction. Hamish pushed the drink away from him " Don't want it " he said getting up walking away.

"You really don't have to explain your girlfriend, John. Really. It's okay." Sherlock told him as he sighed watching Hamish walk out of the room.

" Oh really? Well it seems quite like i do " John said " there goes another meal " he said as he noticed Hamish leaving the table. His shake untouched.

"You don't." Sherlock told him before getting up and going after Hamish, taking the shake with him.

John didn't say anything else he just sat there as he finished his sandwich and drink. Hamish had gone back to his bedroom as he sat on his bed drawing.


	5. Chapter 5

"Can I come in?" Sherlock asked knocking on the door frame to Hamish's room.

"If you really want " he answered as he continued to draw in his sketchbook not changing his position.

Sherlock nodded and went and sat down on Hamish's bed. "Tell me something. How serious were..or are... your father and Mary." Sherlock asked him as he put the shake down on his bedside table."

Hamish looked up at his Dad " Are you jealous of Mary Dad?" He laughed a little " I thought it didn't matter to you? They aren't serious anyway she's just a friend if you must know, she helped him with some things while you were gone. Father said he could never love anyone else apart from you."

"Oh. Well. It doesn't matter, I just was wondering." Sherlock replied back to his son.

" They're not fucking each other if that's what you were trying to ask " he laughed as he got back to his drawing.

"Language, young man." Sherlock reprimanded Hamish but felt a bit of relief at this bit of news.

Hamish didn't reply he had that smile on his face quite amused by the fact his dad really thought his father was with a woman, Mary of all people.

"Don't give me that look...I can't help it." Sherlock said to him seeing the look he was getting from Hamish.

" Neither can I" He said looking up with that smile. Sherlock rolled his eyes.

"Is that all you came in for ?" Hamish asked.

"No. But I'm not going to say anything..." Sherlock said raising an eyebrow to him.

Hamish looked up at him thinking of what he meant " what do you think?" He asked showing what he had been drawing.

"You're brilliant at that, Mish." Sherlock told him before looking to his bedside table at the shake.

" Thanks " He smiled as he turned over onto the next page, knowing exactly where his dad was looking, but trying to ignore it as he started a new drawing.

"The only way I can keep you from having to take those tablets is if you have just a bit of a shake or food, Mish." Sherlock told him.

He paused in his drawing looking to the shake on the table he put his pencils down as he grabbed it holding it in both hands. " Just a little bit Mish " Sherlock encouraged.

He put the shake close to his mouth about to drink it " I can't " he refused as he put it back on the table. " I can't dad " he said backing up the bed leaning against the bed board pulling his legs close to his chest.

Sherlock sighed and nodded. "Come here." He opened his arms wanting to just comfort his son for now. Hamish quickly moved in holding onto his Dad grasping him, Sherlock holding him just a bit tighter. " It's alright Mish " Sherlock assured stroking his hair.

" I just can't do it, I try but I can't " He said as he kept close to his dad. Sherlock nodded as he continued to hold his son close.

" Is Father going to be annoyed?" Hamish asked quite timidly.

" I'm afraid so yes" Sherlock replied.

Hamish buried his head into his dads chest as he looked down " Ca- can't use just lie and say I had some?" He asked.

"He's a doctor, Hamish, he's not stupid when it comes to these types of things. He'll know." Sherlock shook his head.

"I suppose " He sighed as fiddled with his jumper cuff " couldn't you just try though? " he asked " I- I'll have some next time I promise" he mumbled out.

" Why are you so desperate for him not to know Mish?" Sherlock asked.

" Well because he'll be angry and annoyed at me again... I-I don't like it " He said quite awkwardly.

" It's because he loves you Mish, he just wants to see you better. He only gets annoyed because you don't try."

" But I do! " Hamish quickly replied looking up at his Dad.

" Do you really though Mish? " Sherlock asked not quite believing him. Hamish sighed looking back down. " Are you you going to try and have some ?" Sherlock asked/ Hamish shook his head not looking his dad. " I can't lie for you Hamish, not to your Father. You'll just be in more trouble for getting me to lie for you. " Hamish didn't respond.

" Sherlock " John called from the living room. Sherlock looked to the door " Listen I got to see your Father, i'll be back in a bit okay?" Hamish still answer he went and shuffled back up the bed as Sherlock got up to leave the room.

" Yes John? " Sherlock said walking back to the living room " Oh... " He said seeing his brother sat down. " Hello Mycroft " Sherlock said walking to the other side of the room.

" I see you've got yourself settled back in then " Mycroft replied seeing Sherlock's coat and scarf thrown lazily over the sofa.

" Why are you here?" Sherlock asked

" Well you know I'd thought I'd just pop round see how things are going. How's Hamish? " He asked.

" Fine " He replied bluntly.

Mycroft rolled his eyes " I know about it all Sherlock the refusal to eat and everything, some of us do know what has been going on the past three years you know. " Sherlock looked to John then at Mycroft.

" He's fine " Sherlock repeated again.

" Well here you are John " Mycroft said handing him a bag.

" What's that? " Sherlock asked suspiciously.

" Hamish's medication " John replied looking inside the bag taking it to the kitchen.

" You get those from him?" Sherlock said quite disbelievingly and a little shocked.

" He drops them off when I need, so does Mary. I'm unable to leave to flat these days, I have to stay with Hamish. It's not like he'll come anywhere with me voluntarily." Sherlock looked at Mycroft skeptically.

" Yeah well you don't need to anymore I'm here " He said quickly.

" Well I guess I'll leave you two to have your little domestic, I'm off to say hello to Hamish " He said getting up John and Sherlock still talking. " Hamish? " Mycroft said stood at the doorway.

" Hey Uncle Mycroft " Hamish said glancing up, he had been drawing again.

" You alright? " He asked, of course it was a stupid question but he always asked it.

" Yeah. I'm fine " He sighed. Mycroft smiled weakly, as he walked over ruffling Hamish's hair.

" What are you doing?" Sherlock asked seeing Mycroft with Hamish.

" Just saying hello to my Nephew, is that such a problem?" Mycroft said. Sherlock didn't reply to him taking the untouched shake from his bedside table and taking it back into the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

" Why is Mycroft here?" Sherlock grumbled to John as they were both in the kitchen.

" Well he's your brother, Hamish's uncle why shouldn't he be here?" John questioned.

" Yeah I know " Sherlock retorted.

" What is with you? I know you two were never the best of friends but is stupid. He knew you were alive the whole of the past 3 years. He saw how badly Hamish had taken your apparent death, but he never once told us. He could of told us and made our lives much easier. Hamish wouldn't have gone through all of this so badly. I wish he had told us, but he knew how much our safety mattered to you. So on't be going and hating him all that much you know." John said as finished making himself some tea " You have to get Hamish to have something still you know" He said hinting at the untouched shake.

" Yeah I know " Sherlock replied in a sigh as he leaned against the kitchen table.

Mycroft returned to the living room 5 minutes later " Well I guess I'll be off then, not point hanging around where I'm not wanted." He said glancing to Sherlock.

" You can stay you know " John quickly replied.

" No John it's fine John, I'd rather not have my brother giving me that look the whole time. I'll see you another time " He said picking up his umbrella and walking out of the flat.

" You two really do have some issues don't you " John commented. Sherlock didn't reply. " Can you go try again with Hamish please?" John asked.

" I only tried about an hour ago."

" You have to be very persistent. Sherlock you might think he looks fine and everything but he's really ill you said yourself he was released to my care. I don't know how you convinced them to let him come home, but now you have to sort it, so go" John said sending him on his way with the shake and tablets.

Sherlock walked towards Hamish's room. He was still sat on his bed drawing away " Mish? " he said walking into his bedroom slowly.

" No " Hamish said not even looking up from his sketchbook.

" Please Mish. You've got to have something." Sherlock asked a gentle tone to his voice

" No I don't. You can't make me! "

" Hamish I'm trying to be nice here. " Sherlock said his gentle tone soon fading.

" Yeah i know Dad. But I've coped with this for 2 and a half years, being nice isn't going to get me to have something. " Hamish said looking up at his Dad.

" I'm sorry Mish, you know I am. But I'm back, i just want my family back. I want a nice healthy son. Just a bit? Please? " He said quite begging.

" How many times do I have to tell you? No!" He shouted

" Hamish " Sherlock said.

" No! " He shouted " Just get out!" He demanded.

" Please Hamish " Sherlock begged.

" Get out! " He screamed! Sherlock did as he was told getting up sighing in resignation as he walked out of the door. Hamish slammed the door shut as soon as his Dad had left. Running back to his bed and sobbing into his pillow he pulled out a pair of scissors from his drawers and sliced them across his arm. He had done this before but it was about a year ago, John had thought the self harming was over.

" Well that went well " John said seeing Sherlock return to the living room.

" I don't understand why he's like this. You said it was because I wasn't here. But I'm back now. "

" Yeah well you've left a lot of damage. I told you earlier it isn't just going to e fixed like that ."

" I know, I know. But what do I do? He's not having anything. What do you do?" Sherlock asked.

" Sometimes I have to force him to have it. Mycroft sometimes helps. "

" You force him to eat? " Sherlock said quite shocked.

" What else am i supposed to do? I can't just sit here and watch him die Sherlock!" John said his voice slightly raised.

" I know John. "

" No you don't Sherlock. You have no idea, I've watched our son almost die three times! "

" John please " Sherlock said trying to calm John. John took a deep breath trying to calm himself, not wanting Hamish to hear them arguing " It's just hard. Come on we'll go in together " he said taking Sherlock's hand leading him to Hamish's room.

" Hamish " John said knocking on his door. Hamish looked to the door and quickly stashed the scissors back in the drawer and pulled his sleeve down laying back down with his face in the pillow. John opened the door walking in seeing his son upset, he let go of Sherlock's hand and went to sit on the side of the bed stroking his back. Sherlock went and sat on the opposite side following Johns lead.  
" Hamish buddy, you've got to have something to eat." John said calmly to son still stroking his back. Hamish shook his head within his pillow " Please just something? I don't want you to have to go back to hospital again." Hamish moved slightly glancing at his Father.

Sherlock glanced down seeing some blood on the sheets he furrowed his eyebrows. He looked over his bedside drawer seeing it had been closed in a hurry and therefore not shut properly.  
While John had Hamish's attention he pulled the drawer open slightly seeing a pair of blood stained scissors taking them out he looked to John. John glanced up at Sherlock his face dropping with a sigh. Hamish looked over at his Dad his head lowered burying back into the pillow. " Have you cut yourself Hamish?" John asked. Hamish didn't reply. " Hamish " John said again.

Sherlock obviously knew where it was " It's on your left arm isn't it?" He asked. Hamish still didn't reply. Sherlock pulled out Hamish's arm from under the pillow.

" No!" Hamish shouted trying to resist against his Dads grasp. John pulled up Hamish's sleeve to reveal three deep cuts across his arm

" Hamish i thought you were over this? " John asked quite disappointed.

" Well clearly not! Get off!" He shouted trying to pull his arm away. Sherlock let go ten seconds later, Hamish instantly throwing his face back into the pillow. John signaled him to the door and they both got up and walked out of Hamish's room.

" Why has he done that? You said he's done it before, why didn't you tell me? What are we going to do?" Sherlock asked, having so many questions he needed answering.

John sighed " I never told you as i thought it would just upset him even more. He did last year for a few months but he hasn't done it in over a year i thought he was over it. I stopped him having things like scissors in his bedroom though. "

" Yeah well clearly that failed." Sherlock quickly said.

" Don't you go blaming me for this! This is all since you left." John retorted.

" So what do we do? We can't just leave him like that. "

" I can fix it up here if he'll let me. So we don't have to go back to the hospital. "

" Will he let you?" Sherlock asked.

" Perhaps we'll have to see. " John answered.


	7. Chapter 7

Sherlock returned to Hamish's room five minutes later " Hamish buddy. Them cuts you have on your arm, your Father needs to clean them up." Sherlock said gently as he crouched at his sons side.

" I didn't want to " Hamish replied " I had to."

Sherlock gave him a sympathetic half smile " Can I tell him you'll let him clean them up?" He asked.

Hamish shook his head " there's no point " he answered.

" Of course there is Mish. They could get infected otherwise. Listen it's either you let him help you or you'll have to go to hospital to get them seen to."

Hamish immediately looked to his dad " No! I'm not going back there!" He refused instantly.

" Well then let your father sort them out." Hamish sighed nodding " fine. "

Sherlock went and got John from the other room and brought him in setting his first aid kit on the bed. " It will sting " John told his son and moved his sleeve up to reveal the the three cuts he had done on his arm. Hamish winced the adrenaline of anger had left him and was able to feel the pain that he had caused himself. " Sorry " John said trying to be as careful as he could. He cleaned out the wounds with quite a bit of difficulty from him moving so much. " Right I need to put some stitches in there are you gonna stay still?" John asked but Hamish didn't reply.

He got the anesthetic ready but Hamish pulled away from John " Hamish please, once i get it in it won't hurt you've had them plenty of times before." Hamish shook his head. " Hamish stop this. I don't want to have to get Sherlock to hold your arm while I do it like Mycroft had to." John said but Hamish still refused. " Fine." He said " Sherlock can you hold his arm out for me?" He asked.

" Hamish you know you're just making this more difficult than what it has to be you be know." Sherlock told him but Hamish but he still didn't reply. Sherlock grasped his arm and held it still. Hamish tried to get him arm free, but with being so weak from not eating he was no match for his dad. John injected Hamish's arm.

" Ouch!" Hamish said feeling the prick

" Well if you stayed still it wouldn't be so bad. " John told him. Within 10 minutes it was over as John finished the last stitch. " You know you really made that more difficult then it had to be. You know I'm going to have to take all the sharp things out of your room again. " John told him. Hamish sighed pulling his arm away and lowering the sleeve as he laid back down on the bed not caring. " You need to have something to eat too " John told him but still there was no response. He sighed getting up as he walked out of the room.

" Mish why are you being like this?" Sherlock asked his son when John had left.

" Because I don't care " He answered.

" You know your Father is going to be back in a bit and he'll make you have something." Hamish just shrugged his shoulders.

" I'll just refuse it and he'll force it down me. He'll stop ,e from throwing it up again. There's nothing new. " Hamish sighed saying it as if it was a a normal occurring thing to happen to him.

Within 10 minutes John had returned with a shake and tablets for Hamish. " Here you go Hamish " He said placing them on the bedside table. Hamish didn't move at all.

" Please Mish. " Sherlock begged.

John sighed " I don't want to this the hard way again Hamish, I could just send you back to the hospital again and they could deal with you. Or you could stop being so awkward and take it. "

" I don't want it! " Hamish refused

" I can go get another IV like you had at the hospital and just did it here if that's what you'd prefer but you've got to have these. " John told him, but Hamish didn't reply. " Fine " He said turning Hamish over trying to give him the tablets " Hamish " He said getting annoyed at his refusal.

" John. " Sherlock said " Let me talk to him alone. " He said. John sighed getting up walking out of the room.

" Mish... " Sherlock said gently rubbing his arm. " I hate to see you like this."

" Yeah well this is what happens when your own dad decides to kill himself but then turn up because actually he's alive, he just faked it. "

Sherlock sighed " Yeah i know Hamish. Nothing I say will ever make you forgive me for what I did even though I did it to protect you. But I'm here now. You need to get better."

" Why? " Hamish asked.

" Because you can't go on being like this. "

" What if I don't want to go on?! Hamish replied.

" Don't say things like that Hamish " Sherlock immediately said.

" Why not? It's true. "

" Do you really not care about either of us that much that you would do that?" Sherlock asked

" You did it. "

" I did it just to protect you both. But I tell you something when I was on the rooftop, my heart sunk seeing your Father the way he was. I was in tears as I spoke to him. It broke my heart to think he thought I didn't care about him enough to stay alive. That he didn't matter. If you care about either of us just the slightest. You'll get through this and get better."

Hamish sat himself up in the bed looking to the table he took the tablets and had a gulp of the shake next to them placing it back down and looking to his dad. Sherlock smiled " Thanks Mish" He said leaning in hugging him.


End file.
